I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
