It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
