i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
