you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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