Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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