i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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