Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
