Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
