I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She's the barista slut.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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