i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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