Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
