i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
