i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
