She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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