That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he thought i was a dude.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
