i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
