Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
