Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
