I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
