38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
