can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
