i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
