the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
