Screwed.edu
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
