so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
