Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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