bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
