I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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