Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
