im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
