Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
