New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
