I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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