Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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