i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
