Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
