Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
