I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
this is an emotional support booty call
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
