Nicole vs. Life
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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