I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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