It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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