I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
