Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
