I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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