if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
