Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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