she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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