I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
