I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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