dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
