lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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