why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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