Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
