I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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