btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize