Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
