We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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