What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
