hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
