I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
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There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
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Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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