Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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