They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
