shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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