my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
