He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
