those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just had sex on a roof
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
