I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize