I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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