He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
