Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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