If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
