Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
