i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
