Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
